The reasons I started this blog was not for others to read, but mostly as therapy. When my therapist suggested writing it down, I decided to type it here. My decision to blog was for someone to find solace in my words and to know we all go through emotional trauma. We all have a path to follow, some of us have a scenic route, while others have a harder path. My life has not been easy, I have been through so many troubles and tribulations. Some of these experiences were brought on by third parties, while others were a fault of my own.
There are so many people that will be mentioned in my story. Many not by name, but by their designation in my life. Those with whom I’ve discussed my blogging to, have asked why withhold names. At first I thought it was due to hurting their feelings. However as I did some soul searching I reached the conclusion it was due me not ready to confront some of those individuals, while others have passed. Although I have tried to forgive, it has not come easy and in all honesty I have not forgiven everyone. I still am angry and hurt, mostly because those people are too emotionally immature to be held accountable…
Isn’t it strange how life decides things on its own, or maybe it just worked that way for me. Life decided who my parents should be and how the phrase “It takes a village” became part of my reality. It took me years to come to terms on who my parents were… still are. They were not perfect and although they complicated my life and they hurt me both emotionally and physically at times, these two imperfect people helped mold the human being I am today. And yes I am emotionally scarred and have certain quirks people don’t understand, still I turned out quite okay … and still working on me everyday.
So, who was this village. Let’s start with the main person, my Mother. She is the reason I exist and although I will never understand her reasons for letting me go, at the end of the day she is my Mother. Then there is my Grandmother, whom I loved dearly. She was my unconditional love, my peace, my center, she accepted me just as I was, flaws and all. She had this intuition was uncanny. I could not hide anything from her… she knew it all even thousands of miles away. I will never know why she agreed to let me come to the US. Then came the two people I have called my caretakers. These two people were my Great Aunt and Uncle, they had a very good relationship with my Mother and that is how I was born here. These two were not perfect, life had been hard to them, and it was for the rest of their lives. Through the years there was aunts, uncles, cousins, strangers, and other unwelcome visitors. All these people had some sort of involvement that will be explained throughout my writing.